¿Porqué tendría yo que temer que alguien me amenazara con no hablarme a menos que me comportara yo de cierta manera? ¿Porqué tomarme yo mismo la molestia de castigar a alguien no hablándole? ¿Porqué tratar y tratar de ganarte la aceptación de un grupo de gente que te ve y no te habla, y ni siquiera reconoce que estés enfrente cuando te los encuentras de casualidad? ¿Qué puede ganar alguien que rechace o evite a otro? ¿Y qué puede ganar el rechazado o evitado?
Como testigo de Jehová que fui, yo rechacé de este modo a otras personas, y a mi vez me ví rechazado. Creo que muchas, sino a la mayoría de las personas que sufren este tipo de rechazo sienten que no les atrae recibirlo ni practicarlo. Siempre que intento explicarle a quienes no conocen a los testigos de Jehová la práctica de expulsar a otros, la gente me ve fijamente y no me cree.
El título de este artículo se tomó de la revista "La Atalaya" del 15 de abril de 1988, página 29
shun - to keep away from; avoid scrupulously or consistently. (Webster’s New World Dictionary)
- to keep clear of; avoid. (Funk and Wagnalls Standard Desk Dictionary)
When I was a practicing Jehovah’s Witness I remember once a disfellowshipped woman with small children had attended a Thursday night JW group meeting that ended about 9:45 PM. She was required to sit in the back and she could not speak to or be spoken to by anyone there. When we left the meeting this disfellowshipped woman was still there after 10:00 PM deep in a residential neighborhood with small children and a broken down car. We all did our duty to the Watchtower and shunned her. We did not offer to help her. I never saw her again.
Why the threat of shunning helped to keep me “in line” is clearer to me today. I believe that very night we “freed” the woman with the broken car, but we further enslaved ourselves to the Watchtower. For two reasons:
(1) We reinforced each other by participating in a crime. In order for me to accept my own (truly un-Christian) behavior I had to approve, reinforce, accept, and condone the behavior of all the other members of the group. Shunning gave me the illusion of power. The illusion of power to a powerless person is a drug.
(2) The group members modeled for me what they were willing to do in keeping the commands of the WT. For a moment I put myself in that woman’s place, and I knew I didn’t want to be there. Raised by Witness parents and indoctrinated by the WT since age seven, all my real security was tied up with a Watchtower ribbon. The thought of leaving the group was unthinkable. Regularly scheduled portions of JW group meetings were discussions on disfellowshipping, shunning, and the consequences of leaving “Jehovah’s Organization.”
Shunning means those whom we used to call brothers and sisters we would now pass in the market or street without acknowledging. When I practiced shunning while in the company of another Witness the act of shunning would, in my own eyes, be a witnessed proof of my loyalty to Jehovah. I was on spiritual high ground (a sort of religious “high”). While alone I was less bold when a shunning opportunity would arise, but if I thought that there may be even a chance that another JW might be watching I would “play the part” all the way. If it was a private situation, however, I might feel somewhat uncomfortable and maybe even make eye contact and nod.
Shunning as Spiritual Abuse
Recently, during a conversation with another former JW, the subject of abuse came up. The question was asked, “Is there any context of involvement with Jehovah’s Witnesses that is not direct abuse, indirect abuse, or a set up for abuse?” We batted this around for a couple of hours and concluded that in every situation we could come up with involving JWs there is a real or potential victim. Conclusion: Any contact with a JW or the “mother” organization (the Watchtower) is abuse in the name of God, i.e. spiritual abuse.
Real or threatened, physical, mental, emotional, and verbal abuse is their power over members and often former members. Fear, guilt, shame, hatred, and later resentment and anger kept me with them selling Watchtowers on dirty street corners next to the bums, and from house to house.
Shunning is probably the ultimate rejection of me as a person and maybe the cruelest mental, emotional, and psychological form of abuse. The results of the shunning by Jehovah’s Witnesses done to me was substantial pain and suffering … but only as long as lowed it to continue.
Shunning is a Drug...
...and drug users need enablers. I've noticed a few things about abusers of people and things. A person who abuses other humans does it for a reason. It is the same as any addiction to a substance or behavior. The addict gets something out of it, a "reward." I have done research on the subject of addiction and have reached some interesting conclusions.
Addicts need a drug , abusers need a victim. Shunners are playing a mind game and they need a playmate who will follow the rules. Shunning is their drug. Abusers need help to carry out their abuse. They need enablers (victims). Without their victims they can not continue to abuse. Watchtower rules for shunning must be followed by both shunner and VICTIM or shunning doesn't work! Shunning is a show. To best work it needs an arena to be played in, and an audience.
Recognizing My Responsibility
I have a duty to myself, who I love, and to my many loved ones and real friends to protect myself and them from abuse and abusers. We are obligated to protect ourselves, even from parents. There is a limit on the extent to which we honor or obey them. To honor means to provide food, clothing, and shelter to them if asked, to avoid reprimands, be civil in conversation, and accommodate parents in requests made. To honor parents does not mean to make myself a target for their abuse of any kind. Emotional abuse hurts just as bad as physical abuse even though the scars are not on the outside.
Shunning is one of the WT's main reinforcers. When JWs shun me, and I allow it, thereby showing respect for their rules, I only reinforce their bad behavior and give them permission to do it again next time. In effect, I am telling him (and myself) that I am deserving of that kind of treatment.
Partial shunning is also practiced by JWs. Married couples (one practicing Witness, one disfellowshipped /disassociated) are taught to practice shunning in the home. This practice is unacceptable by me and is clearly intended to split up families. How can JWs believe they are keeping all of the marriage vows while requiring one spouse to spiritually shun the other? How can one reduce a marriage to sex and business? How can a couple be happy just talking about the garden, weather and sports at ten?
Here is a thought I had one day. I need to look at the beliefs taught me (past and current, especially the ones used to indoctrinate me, since these probably make up my core beliefs) and view them as principles that I will either keep to run my life by, or as garbage, to be thrown out with the rest of the trash. I find the principles in the teachings. I write them on paper, one by one, then I test them, first by themselves, then by each other. In my case I tested them by the Watchtower's own standards, then to my personal standards, being careful to keep the two separate. I needed to do this until all, I mean ALL, of my beliefs are mine and I can clearly give my own reasons for accepting the theory. If I reject a concept, I also need to be able to intelligently explain why. On most issues I have had to read two books, one pro, the other con. If I can't debate both sides of an issue then I know I don't understand the issue. Dogmatism and forced uniformity only have one side.
I have a duty to myself to test and establish my own principles, that I can live with, then be true and loyal to those principles or change them. The only things in my life that are black and white are newspapers and old movies. As a Watchtower-liberated free-thinker, I am continually learning and forming new opinions on my own, and it feels good. On many subjects my opinion is "I don't know." On a few others it's "I don't care."
To let an abuser suffer the consequences for his behavior does not mean that we need to be abusive to them. I do think it means that I take a firm stand and let them know what my stand is. Watchtower doctrinal flip-flops bother me and my former JW friends and relatives who find me acceptable to them only when the issue is money bore me. I do not think a puppet following the latest Watchtower policy is acceptable to me, even if I happen to like the new policy.
Loyalty and Love Confused
When getting someone out of the Watchtower organization becomes my life focus and an obsession I have found I can't be useful to myself or anyone else. When I rebuke the abusers and put them out of the picture I find I can now be free to help others who have been victimized by these people. The JWs who practice shunning me kept inserting themselves in my life then taking shots at me as long as I let them. I have never been directly hurt by the group leaders, but always by my own acquaintances and relatives, and always because I made myself available to them. Allowing myself to be victimized was a powerless situation and I needed some power. Defining my boundaries to Jehovah's Witnesses and rebuking them has been incredibly empowering. My Witness sister-in-law squealed like a pig in the gate when I called her up and told that as long as she is a JW and practices shunning she was not welcome in our home. No person practicing physical or spiritual abuse is welcome in my home. I will not permit my non-Witness children to see cruel, abusive behavior by the JWs. I'm so glad I did that.
If my happiness is contingent on my son, daughter, mother, father, brother, sister, or other special person leaving the Watchtower organization then I have put a pretty cheap price on my happiness. If I have to wait to have a good life until other people, places, or things change then I'm no better off than the members of the Watchtower and I could just as well be back under the "official" control and influence of the group.
I used to confuse relatives with friends. I used to confuse people who were once willing and able to meet my needs with people who can meet my needs today. I used to confuse cult members with real people. For a period of time after leaving the Watchtower I was still loyal to the leaders and the local members. However, once I tested their doctrines with reliable sources and really looked at their older publications, I was freed both mentally and spiritually.
Remember too, I, as a former member, can talk to anybody. I can certainly talk to them. The current members are the ones being punished. THEY are the ones who can’t talk to me, or read anything critical of the WT, or even read a book written by a former member, by order of their leaders.
One Jehovah’s Witness I know has a daughter and a son. Both were raised as Witnesses. The daughter was baptized by the Witnesses. The son was not. As adolescents both the daughter and the son started to use tobacco. The daughter, because she was baptized, was disfellowshipped for using tobacco. She moved away, married, had a child, quit going to meetings, and continued to use tobacco. The father has not spoken to her or seen her for seven years. The father has not spoken to or seen his granddaughter, ever.
The son also quit attending JW group meetings, moved away, got married, had two children, and also continued to use tobacco. But the son, because he was not baptized, was not disfellowshipped. The father has an ongoing relationship with his son and these two grandchildren even though the son continues to use tobacco.
If the father is shunning the behavior (tobacco use), then he would have to shun them both. Since he continues a relationship with the son I’m inclined to think that the unforgivable sin is baptism by Jehovah’s Witnesses.
I have a friend that is being shunned. It breaks my heart to see this, she has tried to commit suicide several times because of this. I don't know what to do other than be a friend to her. How do you witness the love of Christ to a JW?
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... written by marie , October 17, 2009
disfellowshipping gets easier as the anger and hate starts to fade i left the area ALL TOGETHER to find myself and not think i was a total disapiontment, i was KICKED OUT and did not do most of the things i was accused of, but the night i was told i lost all my family and friends i did every drug, liquor and man i ran into, see how good shunning was for me. Over night shunning turned me into a camel & pot smoking crackhead with no self repect who just wanted to die. Four elders only talked to me for 6 mins and desieded i was not SORRY ENOUGH for what i did...not only do i now have no respect for religion but no respect for men at all...shunning should be stopped...i never thought i would get thru it but i'm stronger than i was ever given credit for
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... written by Sandy S. , November 09, 2009
I have a friend who has grown up as a JW. Now 30 years old. He has never been baptized. Rekindeling a relationship with his Family (mom, dad, siblings) and now thinking he 'might become a witness'. He has hesitations... Please let me know of a book or two that might offer some answers and comfort to him as I know he is 'searching' and I think he wants to 'please his family'. Your prompt response is Greatly Appreciated.
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... written by carrie , December 14, 2009
i know a mother who has shunned her two minor daughters they live in the same house how does this work. the daughters want out what can i do as a aunt
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... written by Courtney , December 29, 2009
I was disfellowshiped last year in December. Up until a few weeks ago, I was depressed and wanted to kill myself. The whole reason I left in the first place and did all those crazy things I thought I was supposed to do was because I never left the "Christian love" that was supposed to be in the WT organization. I never felt like a belonged and I said so on several occasions. They made me feel like I wasn't doing enough. So I did what would definitely lead to me ending my life so that I could stop all the pain and suffering I felt.
Now that I know the real truth about "the truth", I will never go back. Ever. They abandoned me when I really needed them. They made me feel dirty and unwanted. I actually thought that God hated me! The night I started learning the real truth about the Bible and God, I felt like a huge burden was lifted off of me. I haven't been depressed since. The only times I feel sick is when I have to go to the meetings, which is required for me to stay at home. Hopefully I will find a job (or two) so that I can get out of here. I'm just sad that I have to leave my family behind. We never really were a family, thanks to WTS, but I feel like if we got away from this false organization, we could be the family we're supposed to be.
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... written by leangal , January 07, 2010
Avoid the shunner, and you will avoid being shunned.
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... written by CL , March 15, 2010
I disassociated myself from the JW faith 3 yrs ago as I could not live up to it's principles and alwast felt depressed and not good enough. As a result, my family has no contact with me. I miss my aging parents the most and feel I should be there to look after them. Jehovah's Witnesses speak about being persecuted as God's people and for their beliefs not realizing that their views on shunning is persecution and abuse. Shame.
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... written by Mind Blown , March 27, 2010
for a time, I was brought up a JW....in fact when I was 6, I was molested by a brother...I guess, this is nothing new from what I'm seeing. I really don't know what my mother did at the time because I was so young...it was like an unspoken thing....she never brought it up to me again....and I never it either. Through time she stopped going. When I became and adult I was having a hard time with lifes stresses and figured I start studying again...later I was baptized and for a few years a faithful JW. I later stopped going to meetings. I was a single parent, very depressed because of the lack of fellowship. I'd come home from meetings to an empty house....no one to call.....no one to really talk with....everyone else in the Con was either married, or too young, the couple of single sisters had other things going on. Anyway, I later stopped going to the meetings. While I was away, I started to smoke every once in a great while, however, one time some JW kids had seen me smoking and told the elders. Mind you, I wasn't going to meetings. The elders called me in I gather for a judicial meeting? They said the kids had seen me smoking. The asked if I was still smoking.....I told them ....well.....yes, every once in a great while...then they asked me if I was going to stop and I told them I hadn't really thought about it (stopping because it wasn't really a problem) I probley hadn't even smoked for weeks! Then they said I had to repent! If I didn't repent, I didn't love Jehovah! And if I didn't repent, I was going to be destroyed. I told them that I wasn't going to repent not to get destroyed....when I'm truly sorry, I will repent.....but you just pulled me in here without really even having time to digest anything or even feel sorry. I refuse to repent because you're strong arming me to repent....I shoud repent, not by force but because it was in my heart. They read scriptures...you know the deal.....I still told them this was too fast.....and I wasn't going to be forced to repent to God...it's not right! So because I didn't repent on the spot the DFed me....and of couse it cause problemes with other members of my family that's JW. Now after all these years not speaking to certian family members, I find out the GB aquired a UN library card.....and singed the UN creed? WTF?! What happened to not even joining the YMCA for use of the pool or gym? Now the blood fractions? What happened to the "SOUL" is in the blood? So what part of the fraction isn't the soul in? Maybe that law was referring to animal blood perhaps or maybe the law is a spiritual law so as to have respect for the sacrifice of Christ? 1914? What bro can prove without question that was the big year? Funny, Franz way back when said maybe it could have been the annointed "that generation". What about child molestations? Isn't that against the law...it's not smoking, fornication, lying, coveting, adultry......IT'S AGAINST THE LAW TO SEX ABUSE CHILDREN. Arn't JW's supposed to obey the law of the land? I just found this today...and it's so compelling....about a brother and sister who have questions in a judicial meeting:
I re read the bible in Matthew Christ says the one who will sit with him IN HIS HEAVENLY KINGDOM...are the first fruits, the first church....the ones who where there with him through his struggles.....GB has no idea of persecution....
I think because the GB teaches people to be so unbending...it's hard for me to be unbending with them ......
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... written by Phil , May 19, 2010
This article was a total joke.
There is a scripture that CLEARLY STATES we remove the wicked man from our midst. Um, according to the Bible a wicked man is someone who has turned their back on God and his divine principles. Why is it so hard to understand that? Or have you removed the parts of your Bibles that you don't agree with or that tell you your behavior is wrong in God's eyes?
We always hear about "shunning" with the JW's. The only reason someone would be shunned is if they did something that violates Bible principles and they are completely unrepentant about it. Period. Anyone who tells you otherwise is a liar with a hidden agenda... a LIberal Christian... who believes that God has somehow softened his view on His divine principles. "Let it all hang out, kids... I know your hearts. Do what you want as long as you claim to serve my son."
Crap. It's all crap.
The other side is that you NEVER hear what those that have been instructed to disassociate with the one that has been reproved. IT BREAKS OUR HEARTS to know that someone who claims to love God is so prideful that they can't... or don't... want to admit their error. "Everyone's doing it," they reason, "... so it can't be all that bad."
God's requirements DO NOT CHANGE because God does not change (Mal. 3:6). When the immature spiritual person makes a mistake, we guide and council. Doesn't it make sense that when the mature Christian makes a mistake, we'd try harder? They have so much more to lose.
Nope. Not to those who are stubborn, or those of you who are judgmental about Jehovah's Witnesses. Walk a day in our shoes, doing what we do, before you judge us. But then again, if you're Christians as you allege, you shouldn't be judging us at all.
Shame on you.
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... written by ignorance is a bliss , May 26, 2010
To the last person that wrote this garbage,
Some of your lovely brothers and sisters are out there not following the biblical principles but are still in the truth...Just because someone was disfellowshipped, it doesn't mean that the person actually committed a wrongdoing. I am just saying. Are you saying that a person has committed a wrongdoing based on what the Bible says or WHAT THE WATCHTOWER SAYS. Think about it. Not everything the Watchtower says come from the bible. Did you actually read the bible cover to cover? If you have, you would know that Jesus did not say to avoid speaking to anyone. It doesn't make sense. You are talking to worldly people that are doing the same wrongdoing, should you avoid talking to them too? By the way, since you are so deep in the truth, you may want to get off before the elders find out....
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... written by Jordyn Leigh Kadlubowski , July 06, 2010
A disfellowshipped individual was put in that position because they failed to live by bible principals. If you are one of these people then obviously you failed to live up to jehovah's expectations of us, which is not much, and your actions put the congregation in danger of being influenced by your careless behavior. Also if u would've been repentent and admitted your sins and then begged for forgiveness from Jehovah you would not have been disfellowshipped, unless the sin was very serious. So therefore you must hold your tongue and stop speaking out of anger because you are responsible for your own actions. You were avoided because no one wants your demonic behavior to influence their relationship with Jehovah. As a dedicated christian I know that my relationship with god is more important then anything. Obviously you didn't feel the same way, so you became unclean and that was dangerous to the integrity of the congregation. Still, i hope that you can find the sincere love for Jehovah in your heart, and then repent and rejoin the congregation Sincerely, Jordyn Leigh
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... written by Joy , July 06, 2010
Anytime you shun another individual for anything, you are passing judgment...period! You are not to judge lest you be judged. Jehovah is a God of LOVE & forgiveness. Are you telling me that Christ died on the cross for or sins and we still get shunned? Jehovah knows that we are sinners , that we all have fallen short of his glory. How can you help and love your neighbor of you are shunning them/ The fact that this religion is breaking up families is a travesty! The meek shall inherit the earth. It seems to me that these people have a holier than thou attitude and look down o people. This is not Godly! The most high wishes that no man should perishes and his arms are pen to all who wishes to receive him, whether, jew or gentile. It sounds like a cult! If these so called "elders" are disassociating and casting away fellow human beings because they fell short, then they too will be judged accordingly. You can hide behind the watchtower if you'd like, but the Apostate church will soon crumble. Jehovah is a God of order yes, but he also forgives his children for their sins as well. Love is the mandate that we all need to embrace as well as inclusion. This sect has in itself created negativity and labeled people as devils because they have fallen short, and felled to conform to their man written laws. These acts of shunning are NOT biblical! They contradict the bible! This makes them apostate!! Read the WORD of the Most high! Perhaps Jehovah will teach this sect a divine lesson so that they will no longer shun his children... Perhaps they will experience being shunned and all its members will no longer participate in shunning because the holy spirit will reveal how this act is the antithesis of the Most high! You JW's must embrace love and not think that you are so set apart... You are to love this is a commandment. perhaps they need to read the bible 1Corinthians 13:5
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... written by Mark Palo , July 07, 2010
Having left the JWs some time ago I am quite used to the childish shunning on the part of the Witnesses. But what really got to me was shunning by proxy. My ex wife, a so called good Christian Witness, has custody of one of my grandchildren. This woman allows me no contact what so ever with one of my grandsons. As far as this child is concerned, I do not exist. I not only blame her brainwashed state of mind but the entire Lowell, MA. Highlands congregation in supporting her. I have spoken to several of the more reasonable elders and they actually agree that she shouldn't be acting this way. They claim to have spoken to her, but she is convinced that I will brainwash my grandson. Come on now! The boy is only 6 Therefore shunning by proxy.
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The Law or the Spirit of the Law. Which! written by James , July 08, 2010
WHEN IT COMES TO SHUNNING. IT IS GOOD TO CONSIDER JESUS WORDS.
MATTHEW 5:43-48. " You heard that it was said, 'You must love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' However, I say to you: Continue to love your enemies and to pray for those persecuting you; that you may prove yourselves sons of your Father who is in the heavens, since he makes his sun rise upon wicked people and good and makes it rain upon righteous people and unrighteous. For if you love those loving you, what reward do you have? Are not also the tax collectors doing the same thing? And if you greet your brothers only, what extraordinary thing are you doing? Are not also the people of the nations doing the same thing? You must accordingly be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect."
The nation of Israel were as a nation bound to the Law by birthright. Some individuals kept the Law . Some individuals did not keep the Law. Did Jesus during his earthly ministry shun those who did not keep the Law?
The religious leaders of Israel had this to say. Recorded in Luke 15:1-2. "Now all the tax collectors and the sinners kept drawing near to him to hear him. Consequently both the Pharisees and the scribes kept muttering, saying: "This man welcomes sinners and eats with them."
Jesus did not shun sinners, he went looking for them. To talk with them and help and guide them spiritually. A Father may have a disfellowshipped son or daughter in his household living with him in the family home. He talks with them as any Father would. Yet on the street he comes across a disfellowshipped person and he crosses over the road to avoid this person.
The Watchtower Society in their mind follow the Law. On the other hand Jesus showed in his speech and actions the spirit of the Law. There is a big difference. One involves the mind, the other involves the mind and the heart. A love of ones neighbor.
If we are to look at sin only, then the Watchtower Society has printed information approved by their Governing Body, distributed it worldwide, recruited people, with information that has proved to be in error. When such recruits disassociate themselves because of this, they are shunned. This sin the Watchtower Society is guilty of. Yet we must follow Jesus words to help our neighbor, not to shun our neighbor. It is a two way street we walk! Each one must be honest and follow Jesus wholesome instruction.
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Shunning written by Louise , July 08, 2010
I thank you Father, that I am not or ever will be a JW. Without Christ there is no truth. I am sad for all the hurt people.
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... written by wasblind , July 08, 2010
Phil, Gods truth does not change either, but the fds keep changing them. How many light bulbs have been changed in this organization, General Electric can't produce enough bulbs to keep up with your ever changing light. So don't come here with your pompous ass talking about what don't change, if anything has been changed , which is constantly, it has been by the fds.
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Damage Control written by Mr. Vic , July 19, 2010
Phil (and other devout JW's),
DF'ing is all about Damage Control! The Society does not want those who have left to spread the word of why they left. This is why current JW's will plug their ears in childlike fashion, refusing to even REASON with those who have left or were tossed out.
The JW must check his power of reason in "at the door" when he joins that organization.
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