Choosing A Therapist:
A
Guide for the Ex-Jehovah's Witness
Kaynor can be contacted at
kaynorw@kaynor.net
Leaving the Watchtower Society can be a very difficult and
stressful experience, as most ex-Jehovah's Witnesses will attest. The
effect of losing one's faith, social group, friends, sense of purpose, and often
one's family, often lingers for years after leaving. Some ex-JWs turn to
behaviors that they would never before imagine themselves doing, and often fail
to understand: excessive drinking, severe marital problems, gambling, etc.
Others come out of the experience of leaving the WT with less severe problems,
but nevertheless experience anxiety, self-doubt, low self-esteem, lack of
direction, feelings of alienation, confused belief system, and difficulty
adjusting to an entirely new lifestyle.
Some ex-JWs consider seeking
therapy to help them deal with the difficult adjustment to life "in the
world," and to help them discover who they really are, what they believe,
how being a JW influenced them, and how to create a new and better life with
healthier relationships. However, many ex-JWs have difficulty entering
therapy. They have been taught during their association with the
Watchtower to distrust mental health professionals. If they have been in
the Watchtower for a long time, they may even believe that consulting a
psychologist or psychiatrist will cause them to risk coming under "demon
influence." Additionally, there are very few mental health
professionals who have experience or knowledge of what it is like to be in the
Watchtower Society, and to leave it. In the entire United States, there
are only a handful of ex-JWs who have become therapists. Therefore, I have
put together the following suggestions for the ex-JW to consider when looking
for a therapist.
The most important thing to
remember is that the therapist works for you! You hire a professional
therapist to help you work on the issues that affect your life. It is
entirely appropriate to question the therapist about how they work in general,
their knowledge of Watchtower issues, use of medications, fee, length of
sessions, etc. The therapist may not be able to give you exact answers to
all of your questions (such as how long you might expect to be in therapy) but
should be willing to discuss the questions you ask, and attempt to understand
your concerns. Many of these questions can be asked in the initial
telephone conversation, which should be free of charge. Discussing these
issues should give you time to get a sense of who the therapist is, and to
assess whether or not you feel comfortable with him or her. There are
several books on the market that are useful guides for the potential client in
what to think about when looking for a therapist, a fine example of which is
Jack Engler and Daniel Goleman's "The Consumer's Guide to
Psychotherapy" (1992). Some people find it useful to call two or
three therapists in order to chose the person who feels like they can be the
most helpful to them. If you are using a psychotherapy clinic (which may
be the case if insurance or limited income is an issue) it may not be possible
to chose the therapist you work with, however. Probably the best way to
find a therapist, like a good mechanic or real estate agent, is through a
personal reference. If any of your friends or acquaintances have been in
therapy, they may be willing to recommend their therapist, or, their therapist
may recommend someone other than themselves if it is not appropriate for them to
see you as well. Your doctor may also know of competent therapists in your
community who can help you.
Many clients find it
reassuring to receive a written statement from a therapist briefly describing
what they do, how much they charge, telephone and cancellation policies, limits
of confidentiality, etc. Also, it is important that the therapist you see
be licensed or registered in the area that you live in. Unfortunately,
there are some people who hold themselves out as therapists who have little
training and who are practicing illegally or unethically. Your therapist should
have their registration number available to you in some manner. A low cost
alternative available in some states, is to work with a registered psychotherapy
intern. These are people who are not yet licensed, and usually work under
the supervision of a senior clinician. If you chose to work with an
intern, it is important that they have adequate training and experience, and you
should be informed of their status and their supervisor's name.
It is important that mental
health professionals, be they psychiatrists, psychologists, marriage and family
counselors, clinical social workers, or substance abuse counselors, become
familiar with the unique issues that an ex-JW brings to therapy. It is
perfectly legitimate to ask a therapist if they have any knowledge of the
Watchtower or of authoritarian religions or cults that use mind control
techniques. There are a number of books that therapists might find
helpful, including Jerry Bergman's "Jehovah's Witnesses and the Problem of
Mental Illness," (1992), "Combating Cult Mind Control," by Steve
Hassan (1988), and Leonard and Marjorie Chretien's "Witnesses of
Jehovah: A shocking expose of what Jehovah's Witnesses really
believe,"(1988), to name but a few. A subscription to one of the
newsletters such as The Free Minds Journal (bi-monthly) might also be helpful to
a therapist willing to educate him/herself about the Watchtower's effects on its
members. Additionally, there are a number of videos about the Watchtower
Society available (obtainable through The Free Minds Journal) that can be very
helpful to a therapist who does not have any knowledge of the WT.
Probably the most important
factor in a successful therapeutic relationship is the sense of comfort and
trust you feel when you begin to work with a therapist. Not all therapists and
clients are meant to work together. Of course, if you don't like any
therapist you interview, then perhaps it's time to go ahead and make a contract
with a therapist and discuss why you are having such a difficult time getting
started in therapy. When reflecting on your first session, ask yourself,
"Am I comfortable? Does he or she respond to me in a manner that
makes me feel respected, cared about, and listened to? Is this a place
where I can imagine exploring scary or difficult issues and feeling
supported?" A sense of trustworthiness, respect, genuineness and just
plain "good chemistry" is essential for therapy to work, and it is
important to pay attention, from the very first phone call, to how you feel in
your interactions with the therapist. For, in the end, the most important
thing is that your therapist be committed to helping you to grow and learn, and
to become the best and happiest possible YOU that you can be.
Bergman, J. (1992). Jehovah's Witnesses and the
problem of mental illness. Clayton, CA: Witness Inc.
Chretien, L., & Chretien, M. (1988).
Witnesses of Jehovah. A shocking expose of what Jehovah's Witnesses really
believe. Eugene, OR: Harvest House.
Engler, J., & Goleman, D. (1992). The
consumer's guide to psychotherapy. New York: Simon &
Schuster
Hassan, S. (1988). Combating cult mind
control. Rochester, VT: Park Street Press.
Watters, R. (Ed.) (bi-monthly). The Free Minds
Journal. Manhattan Beach, CA. (310) 545-7831.
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